“Life isn’t written, life is lived.”
A simple sentence which said the famous author from my country. Someone feels it only subconsciously, for others it is a natural and immutable way to be here. However, there are still people whose journey doesn’t lead in that direction. And I was also one of those cases full of perfect, unusual and important plans. But the more I wanted to follow them, the more I wandered in the maze of blind alleys. Turns seemed to me absurd, irrational, but I was still holding the invisible red thread. Sometimes was possible to see darts recommending the best way, but my stubbornness always had good excuses. “You don’t know what is there. You rather follow their ideas. That is more safe.” And yes, insecurity supported the impression that the next step could be fatal. Eventually was proved that it was the ubiquitous culprit of impasse.
When pushing to bare and cold walls had become a habit, I decided to rethink my style of walking and wandering. Getting back to basics and to the essence of my trip wasn’t easy, because all the ideas and plans weren’t reluctant to give up. They didn’t want to be erased from the system, because I had built them almost all my life. Devising and fine-tuning the details sometimes took more than was necessary, and sometimes it demanded a lot of strength and energy. “I need to do this, and then I’ll have that in two years, and in another three years I will definitely achieve it.” I repeated this poem so often that it became the prayer. I recited it almost constantly and I still didn’t realize how stupid it really was. It happens suddenly and quietly, but eventually you realize that you are in a perfect prison.
Just look in the mirror and you get the right shape which you need. Gazing at your own reflection, all visible perfections and errors, your hidden strengths and weaknesses. It’s the most honest image, which you can get as a feedback. And so I began to explore as well. Sometimes it hurt, stung like a fresh wound, but I finally decided to tear up all the plans and burn them to ashes. Do not get me wrong, I still have dreams and goals, but the way to get to them “has changed” its character. Trips, expeditions and motivating commitments, everything is different now. Like when you erase a piece of the picture, because it isn’t beautiful. Like when you throw away the excess stuff, because you can buy new ones. That’s exactly how I decided to do it. And suddenly something showed me such a possibility, which my mature mind wouldn’t invent. There were hidden tunnels, voice echoing above me, and I listened what I had to do next. Life suddenly had bigger dimension, richer flavor and hues of many colors. The other world was opened in front of me and I couldn’t wait to see what everything was in it. I was prepared for exploration and for new experience.
Everyone occasionally has some ideas about how it should “perfect” life look. Dreams and goals aren’t useless. When you know the certain direction, it is definitely better than going blindfolded. But to follow a precise timetable is just as impossible as to command the nature. Our forces are powerful, but life is stronger. Sometimes it is awkward and sad surprise. Sometimes joy and happiness surround us on all sides. It is important to keep in mind that life is going forward and we are going with it. Nobody wants to have their hands tied, but is it the life, which limits us? It’s a gift which was given to us, and if we reject it, we become our own enemy full of hatred and misery.